Bite Me!

I have by far, the nicest husband ever. This evening he came home from work and instead of pinching my rear like he so often is fond of doing, he said "do you want the good news or the bad news?" Please understand that with Whirlpool's uncertain future with Marketstar this was something I dread hearing everyday. So I said to give me the bad news first. Blair said "I'm going to see Quantum of Solace." This actually means that he and his team at work are all going to a movie together as part of the"team building" strategies that Marketstar loves. I think it's just an excuse to keep from giving them bonuses-but I digress. Then I said "so what's the good news?" and he said "I'm not going to see Twilight." Now, just about everyone that knows me knows how much I enjoy the Twilight series of books. I've looked forward to the release of the movie this month and am counting the days until we can see it. So Blair, in all of his husbandly kindness, chose to see the new James Bond flick instead of Twilight without me. He told everyone at work that his wife would kill him if he saw Twilight before I did and he's probably correct. For those of you that aren't familiar with the "Twilight" series, they are novels featuring teenage vampires and mortals that fall in love and all of the fallout from that, etc. etc. ad nauseum et infinitum. The movie comes out in two weeks-woohoo!

Everyone's heard of "gratitude journals" where you write down everything you're thankful for that day and it's supposed to make you a "gratefuller" person. Oprah Winfrey is a big pusher for gratitude journals and I thought I might take a stab at it even though I think Oprah's long overdue for a large kick in the shorts. Guess I should start with her.

1. I'm thankful that I no longer watch Oprah.
2. Heated seats in the car.
3. Hot Chocolate on cold days.
4. Toilet paper.
5. Insurance.
6. Washers, dryers, dishwashers, microwaves, flat irons, Kitchenaid mixers, Cuisinarts and very sharp knives.
7. Downey fabric softener.
8. Direction from Heavenly Father through the Holy Ghost.
9. Central air.
10. Sweet sisters at church that love and support, that try their very best and teach great lessons.
11. Sound mind/sound body (sort of.)
12. A husband that loves me and tells me I'm beautiful even with my gigantic weight problem.
13. Pianos.
14. Forgiving friends.
15. Second chances.

I've Been Tagged

I guess I've been tagged. I'm supposed to :
1. Post the rules of my blog
2. List 6 random things about myself.
3. Tag 6 more people
4. I don't remember #4.

So my rules are-you must have a sense of humor, you must provide Kendall with some sort of chocolate item at some point in her life and no talking smack about synchronized swimming.

1. I absolutely can't stand it when socks are missing. I feel the same about shoes but when I can't pair up socks, I'll tear the house apart looking for it's mate.

2. I am convinced that Applebee's is by far the worst food on the planet and am at a loss as to why so many people love it. I feel similarly about The Spaghetti Factory.

3. Chocolate makes me high.

4. I aim to become fluent in at least 3 languages.

5. I am certified in CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) and would be a first responder if Ogden ever fell into a pit.

6. Blair says I sing in my sleep.

I hope this provided you with a modicum of entertainment and enlightened your day. Ciao!

p.s. Grant, Laura and Amber-consider yourself tagged.

The Unfortunate Cheese Incident

Yes, sports fans, it's that time once again to recap Kendall and Blair's date night. Due to an unforseen lack of babysitter availability, the last several date nights have been preempted for yard work. (All of the grass is in! Yay!)
Ok, so anyway, tonight found us at the Megaplex attending a showing of "Eagle Eye." A veritable Taj Mahal of cinematic delights including online ticket and seat reservation, the Megaplex offers Pizza Hut, Mayan Express, The Deli and other highly caloric yet very yummy taste treats in their food court. Of course one of the favs would be the Nacho and Plastic Cheese Sauce Platter with a side of jalapenos. We happened to be endulging in a his/hers fav whilst comfily ensconced in our favorite seats (back row middle.) Midway through the show and after decimating dinner, I discovered something gooey on my leg. As you might suspect, some of the plastic cheese had dripped without my knowing. I attempted to clean up with my used napkins but only succeeded in spreading it around. I wonder if plastic cheese makes for good sunblock. After the movie ended and the lights came on I found cheese, now dried and crusty, stuck in my shorts pocket (don't ask), under my shirt and all over my arm. What in the crap is this??? How exactly did I manage this? Maybe God was feeling bored and saw an opportunity. Luckily, the cheese dried to a barely visible sheen so I could sneak away undetected but seriously irritated with the people that sat near us texting and chatting during the entire show. Somehow, the culinary delight that is Nachos has lost some of it's appeal. Maybe I'll do pizza next time. Oh, wait. That has cheese too.

Zen and the Art of Piracy

According to my calender today is Talk Like a Pirate Day so for all of you mateys out there, "arrrrrr, avast and shiver me timbers! Redistribute the ballast, ye dogs! Hide the rum!" A few years ago my family had a reunion down at Disneyland and we had a great time. Attending were my parents (who also footed the bill for this extravaganza), my brothers and their families and Blair and I with ours. That came out to 9 adults and 7 children. Of course Pirates of the Caribbean was a major priority for the day so when the time came, all 16 of us piled onto the same boat. Now, before you think, so what, you need to know that the shortest person in my family is 5'9" (not including sis-in-laws who are all normal heights.) With the exception of the sis-in-laws and the small children we're, ahem, not small. So here we are climbing into this unfortunate boat, thunk! and situating ourselves when I hear from the back "oops! Better shift the ballast!" That was one of my brother's kind way of saying " we're listing heavily to the port side-redistribute!" Of course that sort of became the theme for the reunion. Dang, I almost felt normal being around my brothers again. I married a man who's shorter than I so for the last 14 years or so I've been the Jolly Pink Giant around his very normal to short sized family. I suppose the enormous weight problem doesn't help my case, either. I prefer to think of it as "Post Childbirth Disaster Figure" which, coincidentally, I am remedying. 12 lbs. down, 56 million to go. Woohoo! Maybe the next time we visit the Magic Kingdom with the entire tribe (now up to 19) we can save the ballast jokes for Mr. Toad's wild ride, savvy?

Frustration Foam

I had a craft show this weekend and still ended up sunburnt even though I was under an awning the entire time. My feet even ended up with flip flop tan lines. It never ceases to amaze me some of the things people will buy. It never ceases to amaze me what people will make thinking that people will buy. Here, buy a lump of log featuring some kind of perched weed arrangement. No, no! Come over here and buy our "gently used" quilted-hand-me-down-cigarette-smoke-infested LaZboy arm covers. Goes with any decor! One young lady made strange origami cranes out of used notebook paper and was actually surprised when no one bought any. Ummm, hello? I guess you gotta give her points for effort. I think the part I enjoyed the most was watching the people that attended the fair. There was one particular lady that had a stroller containing 2 of her 6 "babies." (That's part chihuahua part yorkie dog- breath yapper dogs to you and me.) This person had chosen to immortalize her "children" in tat form on her back and wheeled around the dogs in their very own pimped out stroller featuring some blingin' 22s. Please allow me to roll my eyes a second time. The worst part of the entire event was the country music played over the loudspeaker. I wouldn't have minded so much if other music was played as well but after 25 renditions of "That's What You Get When You Play a Country Song Backwards" I was startin' to foam at the mouth. Man, I'm glad that's over. I need a break.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

Several months ago my oldest son Karch and I went to the eye doctor together. Just us two, no one else. It was nice to have some one-on-one time together even if it was a trip to the eye doc. Earlier in the day Karch had won a small prize for something at school which turned out to be one of those 5-color-in-one ball point pens. You click the little lever for whichever color you want to use. So there we were sitting in the waiting room when Karch took out the pen to show me and he proceeded to do what all red-blooded American kids do when they have something new...take it apart. This pen was bright yellow and sort of squatty looking so after he unscrewed the top he stuck it on his finger. He turned to me with a maniacal look in his eye and calling upon his inner lounge lizard burst out into song: "Goldfingerrrrrr!" in front of the entire waiting room. Well, this caught me completely off guard as we hadn't seen the movie recently. I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time and I'm afraid the other patients may not have been as amused. Luckily, they called our name right about then so we could at least confine our laughter to the exam room. The moment had been utterly perfect and I am still laughing.

Pink Presents

My sweet baby girl started preschool today and was so excited to use her backpack. (Hello Kitty) She had a great time but decided that she didn't want to tell me what they did. Oooo, such the secret! She turns 4 on Friday. Her birthday gifts are hiding in our crawlspace, waiting for me to wrap them. She is getting one of those play kitchens with a barrel o' plastic food and play cookware. I think as long as she gets something pink, she'll be happy. Last year when we asked her what she wanted for her birthday she said "pink presents." This year she's extended that to purple as well. Ahhh, to be 4 again...

Marriage

My dearest friend in Seattle just left her husband and my sister-in-law's husband just left her. This all happened within one week. I can't imagine how they must feel as they must repeat the reasons for their circumstances over and over to friends and family. I wonder how I would handle the same situation if, God forbid, it ever happened to me. It's easy to say "well, sister-in-law, you married a guy who cheated on his first wife with you. If theys ain't doin' it with ya, theys doin' it to ya." But that certainly doesn't help any. My heart breaks for my friend in Seattle. She's been with her husband since high school and today she turns 40. (Happy Birthday sweetie-I love you.) A different friend once told me that he heard someone say that marriage should have an expiration date. I thought about that and came to the conclusion that that is a copout. Our marriages are what we make them to be. If they're boring or lackluster, there's no one to blame but the two of you. Do we not take vows and make promises of for better or worse and not just if we're having a funky good time? Now of course there are circumstances that are dealbreakers. I shudder at the thought of them. Maybe we all should do a little less whining take a little more responsibility. We can't change anyone but ourselves including the way we look at things. To my friend and my sister-in-law: bonne chance, ladies. Keep your chin up and have a little chocolate.

Newbie

This blogging thing is new to me but I figured what the heck.
Recap of date night last night: We didn't do anything. My husband watched a DVD and I did some yard work. He eventually came outside and did the edging while I tried not to rip off my arm and beat my son with it. "But mom, you didn't say mow the side, just the front and the back!" During all of this I became a smorgasbord for about 165 mosquitoes. Usually Thursdays aren't pre-empted for anything but our babysitter was busy and we couldn't think of anything fun to do.